Monday, July 6, 2015

Drunk Bowling

It is common fact that my family of four travels to Florida every summer. My grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins live in The Sunshine State and we always have a good time when we are together. My family is similar to me - loud, sarcastic, sailor-like mouths....we will argue, but we will laugh more than anything and that is what counts.

A family trait of ours is our love for alcoholic beverages in mass quantity. We are not alcoholics, but we are party-ers when we are together. We are the grown up version of a fraternity party. Instead of kegs, we have wine and cosmos. Instead of hooking up and puking, we go bowling- drunk bowling.

This summer we attempted drunk bowling again. My children are not invited to this evening affair. E1 was pretty pissed this summer when she heard us discussing bowling. E1 was pissed enough to have a full blown melt down while showering which included sentences of "You and daddy ALWAYS leave me home," "You and Daddy go out EVERY Saturday," "THIS is NOT fair," and my personal guilt inducing favorite "I thought this was a FAMILY vacation - how can you leave your FAMILY home?"

Damn, she is good. I have taught her well. I am proud.

Back to bowling....My cousin's bestie came to babysit (again). E1 saw her and then went to bed. E2 never knew she was here. E2 was EXHAUSTED from a full day of adventures and literally begged to go to bed at 6 pm. Knowing we were having a sitter, I gave her Motrin for insurance of a deep sleep. (That's right, I drug my kids when necessary and unnecessary. Judge away, I don't care.)

There we all are at bowling - laughing, yelling, causing adult havoc, eating, drinking. Our bowling party is coming to an end when Face Time calls.......FUCK.

Hi E2!! E2 is CRYING. SNOTTING. CRYING. Man is she freaked!! She woke up to use the potty to find a babysitter. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

My drunk ass (tequila shot and punch bowl) pulls it together to tell E2 through Face Time "You are OK, This is 'babysitter' she is our friend, Just go pee-pee, I will come with you to the bathroom, Yeah, you peed, You're OK, Please stop crying, Mommy is on her way home."


We travel back to my aunt & uncles house all the while I am texting babysitter to find out E2 is crying off and on......I FEEL TERRIBLE and my alcohol induced state is now GONE.

I jump out of the car to cuddle with E2 to hear her say "Mommy you're home? Why did you go bowling? Why you leave me?" Damn. She is as good as E1.  We cuddle more. She is calmer.

I watch the video monitor (Yes, I travel with mine). My other aunt who lives 4 homes away says to come over when E2 is calm...if that ever happens.  About 20 minutes later, E2 is fully asleep.

So we leave yet again and go laugh, eat, and drink at my other aunt's house.

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