Home School

I would love to home school. Yes, you read that correctly. I would love to home school. I have taught in public school and private school and have had teaching and or administrative experiences in elementary, middle, and high school. I am actually qualified to teach other people's children so why would I not teach my own?

We do school work in our study over the summer breaks and occasionally during the school year. Some days we work for awhile, other days we work for 10 minutes.

While I LOVE(d) my girls' preschool (E2 still a student there), E1 will be starting 1st grade in a few weeks at our neighborhood public school.

E1 is excited and nervous to start this new chapter. I, on the other hand, would be more than happy to not set the alarms, to not make lunches, and to home school. My husband has asked me 1000x to home school and yet, I do not.

I do not home school because I am scared.
I do not home school because it is still not as acceptable as I would like it to be.
I do not homes school because I cannot create "lunch time."
I do not home school because I cannot create "recess."
I do not home school because I cannot create "field day."
I do not home school because I cannot create "spirit day."
I do not home school because I have not found (and yes, I looked) an active social group of children.
I do not home school because I am petrified of missing a key piece of the curriculum.
I do not home school because minus one family I have not found anyone "like us."
I do not home school because I know I am a shitty Science teacher.
I do not home school because at this very moment my kids are on my damn nerves, every last one of them.
I do not home school because I do believe in teachers.
I do not home school because I do believe in schools.
I do not home school because my friends will think we are nuts.
I do not home school because my family, minus one person, will think we are nuts.
I do not home school because my friends that are currently in education will think we are nuts.
I do not home school because of outside influences.
I do not home school because I am scared.

What a crappy feeling to know you CAN do something, but are not 'courageous' enough to do so. What is insane, is that I am a super confident person - to a fault. My ego is so big, seriously. I pretty much think I am the greatest fucking thing since sliced bread. Honestly, I am awesome. Love me or hate me, I don't care - I love myself enough.

But here I am, NOT "kicking home school ass" because I am afraid of what others think, afraid I will fail, afraid I will fuck my kids up for life.  I guess I am not super human after all.