Sunday, August 7, 2016

Party On

When was the last time you went to a Bat/Bar-Mitzvah party?

In the last 18 months the hubs and I have been to four. My nephew's and three friend's. There are the staple items at the party: photo booth, glow necklaces, dancers, and another party favor. I have seen T-shirts, hats, wax hands, henna tattoos, the list is endless.

What I love most about Bat/Bar Mitzvah parties are the guests, kids included. It is some of the best people watching in the world.

There is always a kid crying somewhere. Someone hurt their feelings, someone took their seizure inducing blinking ring, the crappy plastic piece came off their glow in the dark necklace, someone stepped on their toe, or my personal favorite that actually happened to us - crying because dancing is not fun. E1 actually pulled this line at a party. I wanted to strangle her. Dancing is not fun? If I could have said shut the fuck up, I would have. She snapped out of it after about 20 minutes, but damn. Like I said, some kid is always crying.

Another favorite kid of mine at a 'BM' party is the show stopper. That kid is the one that takes over the dance floor for a few minutes and everyone thinks the kid is the greatest dancer of all time. Pretty sure at this point most of the adults are drunk and the kid is just cute, but maybe I am wrong and all these show stoppers will get into Julliard.

Did I say drunk adults? Oh yes, I did. DRUNK ASS ADULTS ARE AWESOME.

Between the wine, the bourbon, the vodka, and whatever else we got from the open bar we have decided that not only are we the best dancers, but we are just the best period. The men dance off and on while the women strut their stuff like their shit don't stink. All the women join in the fun of dancing to only find themselves and their friends sweating like we just worked out with a trainer. Is it the alcohol causing the sweats? Maybe. Is it early menopause and hormone imbalances? More likely.

There are also dresses which inch closer and closer to grown women's ass cracks as they jump up and down. Boobs go up and down too because bras made for 40+ year olds are not made for dancing and wearing a sports bra under a cocktail dress is unacceptable.

The women, mostly moms, eventually take a break from dancing to literally yell at their shitty ass husbands for doing nothing but schmoozing while their children need to use the restroom, eat dinner, and don't forget cry. It is hard work to down your second glass of wine, dance, and talk while your damn kids cry for your attention. Fucking dads. They do nothing.  At least I got my own kids to eat some M&Ms for dinner. What did my husband do? He brought me another glass of wine so I would calm the fuck down.
Remind me again why we brought the kids...oh yeah, family event.

Then there is the Single Ladies dance. Oh Beyonce', we love you. We are all married. We are all just about 40, 40, or over 40, but your song comes on and we shake our asses and pretend we have no husbands. This song is the new "I will Survive." Move over Gloria Gaynor, I will prove to Beyonce' I am hot by waving my hand that actually has a ring on it.

And it is not just Beyonce'. You gather any group of women in this age group and we will lose our ever loving mind if a Justin Timberlake song comes on. And for the love all things holy, do not, I repeat do not get in the way of a group dance. We will not only drag your ass into our white girl dancing circle, but we will make you dance in the center of it while you look like an idiot, but since we are drunk we don't realize it until the video shows up on Facebook.

I cannot even talk about the Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper. Drunk adults do not know left from right and it is important to know left and right when needing to 'slide to left' or to 'stomp.'  This won't stop us. It for sure does not stop me.

The photo booth is another one of my favorite people watching experience at a 'BM' party. There are the family shots with the props and then there are the family shots of the perfect family smiling. However 30 seconds before the flash went off the kids were crying and the parents were annoyed telling them to stop. I am totally guilty of these pics and I laugh when I see them hanging on my fridge. We are SO perfect. HA!

BUT, my personal favorite pictures from the photo booth is of course the pictures of the moms - myself included. What is wrong with us??? Between the kissing lips, the Miley Cyrus tongue out pose, the inappropriate ass grabbing pose, the arm on hip to make you look skinnier pose, or just the accidental picture of our mouths wide open from laughter - these pictures are by far the best ever.  BEST. EVER. I love it.

Bat/Bar Mitzvah parties are just fantastic. This party is in celebration of the awesome 13 year old that read from the Torah and made a life long commitment to Judaism. It is a beautiful simcha shared with family and friends.

So where is this child at the party?
They are busy hanging out with their friends, dancing here and there, and whispering about the drunk adults.


Where is my next invitation?

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