Thursday, December 1, 2016

Life Goes On

Last week my grandma died. My whole family gathered in Florida to say our goodbyes. The days were long and somehow she died a week ago. I am not sure how a week has passed, but as the saying goes -

Life goes on when my girls are playing, but then my tears come back as E2 starts crying at school drop off.
Life goes on when the gorgeous weather today made me smile, but then my tears come back when I simply think about her.
Life goes on when I am singing songs with the radio, but then I am snotting all over myself because a song reminds of my grandma.
Life goes on while I fold laundry, but when none of my aunts answer their phones I start crying thinking of their profound loss.
Life goes on when my family is greeted with smiles from neighbors, but the kind gesture of someone bringing us dinner turns me into a sobbing mess.
Life goes on when I attend a rezoning meeting for our school district, but then I get sad reading a text from someone offering condolences.

Life goes on when I yell at the traffic, cook dinner, take a walk, ride bikes with my girls, volunteer at the school, talk on the phone, watch TV, etc. The sun rises and sets and a new day will always begin and end.

I know the sadness will lessen.
I know my heart will heel.
I know there will come a day when I forget to think about her and that day is not something I am willing to admit.

In order for life to go on, I have to let go. I have to let go of the grief, the sadness, the tears.
I have to keep the memories tight and share them, but share them with a smile.
Life has gone on this week, but against my will.

I know my grandma would never want us to dwell in our grief, to dwell on yesterday's news.
She, of all people, knew how to pick herself back up and start life all over.
Tomorrow, I will start life over.
I will start my life without my grandma.

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