Friday, August 17, 2018

Day Three

Holy mother fucker! Day three!!

I get it- school started Wednesday and today is the third morning of waking early, but holy shit - it was a damn ass nightmare this morning.

This is the year of the alarm clock for Penelope. I do way too much for her as it is, so to expect her to wake up by alarm and get ready independently is actually not too much to ask. Beep beep at 6:30. We leave the house at 7:30 for school and in a normal world a 10 year old does not need an hour to get ready, but my morning bear - well, she probably needs two hours. Now it is 6:40 and the beep beep can be heard throughout the house. Beep Beep at 6:45, 6:50, 6:55, 7:00....I now walk into her room and it is 7:05 am. I tell her it is after 7:00 and to get up. I know full well this is not going to be the end of this story.

I walk into Pandora's room and she rolls over and whines about school starting too early. She then gets out of bed, excited to wear her butterfly dress. The excitement leaves when I pull out the monkey bar buddies for her to wear underneath her dress. Apparently monkey bar buddies are made of nails or needles or knives because Pandora was wailing about wearing them. Snot and tears are flowing while she is repeating why why why....I don't have the patience for this shit. I remind her no one should see her panties, she sits criss-cross applesauce at school, and plays at recess so the monkey bar buddies help with keeping her panties covered. The snot, tears, and cries continue. Quite frankly, I don't give a fuck so I cave and put the damn monkey bar buddies back in the dresser. Yes, I know - she won and was rewarded for her "bad behavior," but I myself am not a morning person and as the saying goes....pick your battles.

In Pandora's bathroom she asks for pig tails. I double check this choice. I ask her if she wants them high or low (showing the placement). She chooses high. Pandora has hair for DAYS. There is so much thick, gorgeous, wavy, brown hair you wonder if she will become a drug mule one day because you could easily hide heroin in that head of hair. I begin to brush the drug smuggling head of hair and the tears begin to flow. I stop. She gets mad I stopped. I brush again. Tears. Brush. Tears. Brush. Tears. I ask her again if she still wants pigtails and she insists she does and then reminds me that I am a shit mom for not scheduling her a haircut like she has BEGGED because short hair means no knots. Uh, sorry Pandora, but you'll look like a damn mushroom with short hair so I am actually not a shit mom. I am a rock star. Pigtails complete. Teeth get brushed and Pandora is all smiles, is happy and ready to start her third day of school.

7:21- Penelope is not downstairs. I yell up to her the time and I can hear it in her shrill preteen voice that the monster inside her will be the one joining us this morning. She claims she will be down in a minute. Tick tock. Tick tock.

7:30 am. Time to leave.
Penelope in FULL attitude has made it downstairs. As the sneakers are being put on her feet, the tears begin to flow. She hates her sneakers, has no time for breakfast, it isn't fair, blah blah blah - I actually have no fucking clue what she was saying because I don't speak "bitch."(Actually, I invented that language but she's 10 and I needed to prove a point and continued to ignore the tantrum.)

Penelope has shoes on, backpack on, and as they are walking out the door the hubs asks Penelope where her glasses are. HOLY MOTHER OF G-D! I thought for sure she was going to kill him with her eyes. STOMPING with her backpack on, shoes on, crying, mumbling, snotting, Penelope goes into my bathroom to grab her glasses. (Why the fuck were they in there in the first place?)

7:35. The hubs pulls out of the driveway and I can exhale. Happy driving!!

Day three, you're a bitch.
Welcome back to school!!

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Sweet Seven

August 13

"I won't give up, no I won't give in
Till I reach the end
And then I'll start again
Though I'm on the lead
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won't give up, no I won't give in
Till I reach the end
And then I'll start again
No I won't leave
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail"

Oh my baby, what a year this has been! 365 days in a year and I might be a tad off, but I bet I have cried happy tears at least 300 of these days. Every year you remind me in a world of rainbows and unicorns anything is possible and this year is no different.

In one short year my amazing daughter, you accomplished all your goals. Not my goals, yours. Every year you remind me you are on your journey, your path, not mine. Your journey is an incredible one that I am truly blessed to watch unfold. This year especially has been a brilliant.

From six to seven you became a successful student. Kindergarten came and went, speech therapy came and went, occupational therapy came and went, swimming came and went. Each day I watched you find success. Each day I watched you smile. Each day I watched you crush a challenge. Each day I watched you with your teachers, your therapists, your coach prove to yourself you can do it. With their encouragement, you became a kid with big dreams and each day your dreams became a reality.

When we saw the neurologist and heard scary words and heard what you shouldn't be able to do, we, your parents, were faced with a world of uncertainty. But you, you smiled when I told you a neurologist is a brain doctor and were lucky because the pictures of your brain tell your teachers exactly how you learn. And once again, with all the labels that you carry, you showed us there is no cannot in your world, only a smile and maybe next time until you master the skill.

This year I watched you share frustration, anger, and disappointment. These were fairly new emotions for you as this year was one of maturity and your world becoming more intense. Even with the moments that caused you strife, you still found your unicorn for the day and still smiled through it all.

This year I watched how your determination is all you need. I have never known a child to say they are going to do something and then move every mountain in their way to get it done. You continue to be a hard worker. You continue to do all you shouldn't. You continue to make me cry happy tears. You continue to be a wonder.

Grit, determination, hard worker - these characteristics make you unique for such a young child. But you are so much more.  You are kind, sweet, gentle, funny, trusting, loving, thoughtful, generous. You are happy. Happiness is something people chase their whole lives and at seven, you have figured out that happiness is within you.

Your joy, your laugh, your smile, gives hope to all who know you.
Your joy, your laugh, your smile, reminds people dreams do come true.

On this seventh birthday I have so many wishes for you. I wish for another year of extraordinary feats, another year of smiles, another year of friendships, another year of  look what I can do vs cannot, another year where each day you prove to this world what I have known all along - You are destined for greatness,

Happy seventh birthday to my rainbow, unicorn loving daughter. May this be a year you never forget.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Double Digits


August 6th

I don't even know where to begin. I am in disbelief that you are officially ten years old. It is true what they say- the days are long but the years are short. 

On a ridiculously hot August day I woke up and went to my professional development. My principal texted me and asked me what I was doing so I told him I was learning at the meeting he asked me to attend. He called my bluff, told me to quit playing brick breaker (you can google that), and come to the school....I had more important work to be completed. 

As I approached the building our caseworker called. While she was talking, I walked into the building, into the library, started crying, walked out of the library, walked out of the school while my principal and colleagues were saying my name. As you know, our caseworker was telling me you were born and we were chosen to be your parents. With more joy than you can imagine I called your dad, who of course, was out of town. He had but one question....boy or girl? Yep, your favorite part of your story, I was so happy I did not even ask. 

IT'S A GIRL!!! our caseworker said when I called back and the history. 
Ten years of history to be exact. 


My beautiful daughter,

On this special birthday, I wish you many more years of happiness and joy. I wish you all that life has to offer and wish you the knowledge to know you can accomplish anything. I know this for a fact because in the last ten years you've proved to be a strong, exceptional young lady.

From two in the morning feedings to sleeping through a hurricane, ten years have passed
From similac sensitive to a true foodie, ten years have passed
From orange spit up everywhere to surviving stomach bugs, ten years have passed
From crawling to running softball bases, ten years have passed
From barely talking to never being quiet, ten years have passed
From messy paintings to wearing make-up, ten years have passed
From sleeping through car rides to becoming a thrill seeker, ten years have passed
From your first plane ride to loving traveling, ten years have passed
From tantrums to pre-teen meltdowns, ten years have passed
From hugs and kisses to 'good night mom', ten years have passed
From a bald head to gorgeous long locks, ten years have passed
From crying on the first day of preschool to a nod hello from the classroom, ten years have passed
From Barney to Double Dare, ten years have passed
From dolls to video games, ten years have passed

In ten years you have grown from the smallest baby to a phenomenal child. I have seen you at your best and your worst and while we sometimes get on each other's nerves, our love is a force to be reckoned with. Your big brown eyes and incredible smile have filled my heart with such happiness. Every day you show the world what a caring, sensitive, thoughtful woman you truly are. 

In one decade you have traveled a short distance in your journey, but you have chosen the path well. At each challenge you've faced, you proved your integrity. You are honest and loyal. You are brave and inspiring. You are stubborn and head strong. You are kind. You are amazing. 
In this next decade you will continue your journey, but this time it will begin to lead you to adulthood. I know for you it will pass slowly. For me, it'll be another blink of an eye. 

I wish from ten to twenty, you continue to be true to yourself
I wish from ten to twenty, you do not fall victim to peer pressure
I wish from ten to twenty, you continue to do what's right when no one is looking
I wish from ten to twenty, you see yourself as others see you 
I wish from ten to twenty, you love more and hurt less
I wish from ten to twenty, you laugh more and cry less
I wish from ten twenty, you let your passion become your path
I wish from ten to twenty, you remember what an astounding young woman you are 

I hope and pray you know even when you're mad, I love you more.
I hope and pray you know even when you're disappointed, I love you more. 
I hope and pray you know even when you're frustrated, I love you more.

I love you because you are you and no one else. 
I will always love you.

From your head to your toes, 
From your thoughts to your actions, 
I love you more.


May your next ten years be a ride you'll never forget. 

I love you more today than yesterday.